frog stomp

His words hit me in the face like vocabulary style left hooks.
So I put him on mute and watch his lips move while nodding my head.
He thinks he's saying something important but he's not. Look at his face. He does that weird scrunchy thing when he thinks he's being funny. What am I doing here? Why am I not a lesbian like all of the smart girls out there?
What was that? A head tilt? Oh god, he's going to launch into some story about something really amazing.
Am I smiling? Oh god, I wonder if he can tell I'm totally fake smiling. Nope, he's way too interested in his own story to relaize I'm not even listening and haven't been for the past hour.
I want to go home. But oh man, maybe I don't becasue when we get home, he's going to follow me up and pull some stupid move that he thinks is original and I'm already predicting - and then I'm going to have to pretend I didn't see it coming. This whole time, all he's been doing is giving me reasons why I should sleep with him. We could have saved so much boring conversation if he'd just given me this pitch:

- I'm impressive. I do physically challenging things.
- I have a great job
- I have a great car
- I'm ambitious
- Other people tell me I'm hot all the time
- Do you want to sleep with me?

And I would have said:

- No