The shore is my distraction. The ocean is my home.

My new apartment smells comfortable - coffee & fresh made bread.
The sun spills in through the skylights and surrounds me.
Light has been vacant from my life. Home has been a return to darkness;
In darkness, I am hatred and stagnant air. I am discontent. I am moving a hundred times - if only in my mind. I am looking to the future as if it is a balloon that has slipped my grasp and can only ever be seen on the horizon while I RUN to keep it in view.
I see now that I'd be okay if it was the past that had floated from my hand. I would not look to it longingly like the future.

And here - I may have been given a distraction from my sadness.
Temporary but long enough, I hope, to stop chasing something that will never make it back to me - something I never really had in the first place.

Here - there is space between me and the ceiling.
There is room to think.
I step out my front door and the ocean nods an approving 'welcome back'.

I only give attention to the slightest forward-thought of mourning this letting go.
It is enough to know -
to smile and know that the ocean will always be my home.