In the window where the crows fly at night

I'm almost 24.
I had a dream last night and I was an old woman. I couldn't recognize my own wrinkled face.
I looked upon myself in the mirror and saw the woman I had become under the weight of time pulling me closer to the ground - the life I had lived - and the only familiar sight - these two eyes looking back at me with my memories behind them.

And it made me want to know how to tell you how amazing it is to be young.
Like I could give you some advice or create a glimpse of the strength and beauty we come to miss. We come to say goodbye to.
I wanted you to know how good I feel. How happy I am. How invincible youth is.
I wanted you to know that I'm beautiful and comfortable and I made it all worthwhile.
I'm just not sure it applies anymore. I feel as old as that fucking old lady right now. I feel as incapable and sad. I look back more often than onward.

I digress- I was standing at the photocopier today looking at myself in the reflection. The sun was shining and down on my cheeks and I closed my eyes. The building shook with the passing of a train. O'bama was making a speech in the background - something about change. A new president was being sworn in
And I felt lazy. I felt trapped. SO fucking stalled. stand still. jumper cables needed. No one to save but me and I'll do it later. procrastinator.

Eyes closed - behind my eyelids, I saw the ship I should sail away on - the land I'm meant to explore.
I saw the flag I will rasie
I saw leaving this place.
I saw words and storms and fog and hail and song and summer and love and genuity and freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedom.
I saw sugar and salt and strength.

What the fuck am I doing?
I miss myself so much these days.