Few words on Christmas

I wanted to tip over the fake plastic BC Ferries christmas tree. I wanted to watch the balls shatter and see the disapproving stares from Christmas spirit people. Instead I cranked the pixies and fantasized about the glory of throwing the tree over-board while also lighting it on fire.

Im not a christmas hater, I just dont like the stress people endure to make it something its not. I don't like the sheer panic of last minuet shopping. I don't like the line ups. I don't like prooving my love in tidy colorfully wrapped parcels of shit they don't need.
Its not the same as it was. There is no Santa. Mom and Dad are not together. Why are we still doing this?!!
The awkwardness of it all is unbareable becasue for the most part, I can't stand the fake happy. The fake sprit and the missing piece of the holiday puzzle... my happy family.

So we threw away the parcels of shit, we invested in our ability to enjoy eachother's company and we actually succeeded in making this Christmas truly memorable.

The kicker is this:

I have to tell you - I'm not sure how any christmas can top this year. I had the absolute best christmas of all time.
I think my family is exausted of faking the holidays. We were just happy to be together. Its sappy - i know but its different too. We didnt just say it this year. It was real.

A few things that will remain the picture of Christmas in my lifetime will be
A roaring fireplace, two dogs asleep on the floor and my dad and sister falling asleep on the couches on either side of me after diner while listening to the likes of Bob Dylan and Sufjan Stevens. Having to remove the wine glass from my dads hand so it didnt tip over.
My mom gving my sister and me what she called "sweetie gifts" - these neckolaces of orca whales "to protect us and keep us safe"
The look on my dad and sister's faces when I turned around after playing the song I had written for my sister. A little choked up and totally impressed.
My general enjoyment in knowing that I know the BEST people in this world.

I guess thats just what Christmas is cheeezily supposed to be - only this time I wasn't just saying it so that it sounded nice. I just really believe it.

And I still hate that god damn fake tree on BC Ferries. I still want to knock it over and jump on it while listening to BROKEN FACE.
Soaking it with lighter fuel and setting it a blaze.
Maybe next year. We can't have everything.